The cards I prepared

Prepared index cards

I made yellow and red index cards with short messages on them about wanting to enjoy the event we were both at. 

My thinking was if she started some foolishness or drama with me during the event I would give you a yellow card. If it continued I would give her the second yellow card. If it still continued I would give her the red card and leave the event. 

That was my plan to prevent myself from getting upset at any drama she tried to throw at me. Sad but I feel like it would have been effective. 

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You won

If I were to tell my mother anything at this point beyond "glad I got to see you, I love you" it would be that she won in her attacks on Grandpa. Because that who I think she views me as. 

Funny how that works. He's been dead quite a long time but I think she's still rebelling against him. And my Dad. 

Sad she chose this

After the drama bombs and my being upset I'm still sad that she chose this path. 

But she's gotten everything she wanted at the expense of her relationship with me. 

And she's done everything I hoped for. Except be someone I want to be around. 

Sad. 

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A place to grieve

 Just trying to get them out of my head. 

Without getting upset.